What I love is usually what I can not have.
I can usually crush on a girl and have my tingles with her but will never truly love her until she's spoken for or simply put, just not available.
Call this a disease or what you may but it's become my entirety and thus, the truth.
Examples : Why you all may see me have love for so many young girls, relatives or even ex girlfriends of mine that now have their own love interests.
I don't hate myself for this characteristic. It all begins at childhood. I was spoiled and always got what I wanted. Still do in a sense.
But love is something different.
I can only hate myself for knowing that at one time in my life, there was a girl. One of those that I never could have envisioned me being with. Then it happened. And the next thing I knew, I blew it.
Even had a couple chances at fixing it in all reality if I truly tried.
This is the kind of hate that can never be reversed. It is all but now a curse.
But those who know me best, know one thing . . . I don't ever give up.
I can't.
It's what makes me breathe. Almost the only reason worth living for.
You have to have that hope that they eventually forgive and forget and if they truly love you, it all ends green.
And so what? If not . . . It's red as always.
